by Roald Dahl
The Twits are husband and wife and although they are very funny, they are not too bright! Mr. Twit has a long, shaggy beard that has bits of rotten fish, apple, stale bread, etc. stuck in it. Mrs. Twit used to be very pretty when she was young, but she kept having frightening throughts and ended up as an ugly old hag! The Twits love to play mean tricks on each other. For example, one day Mr. Twit is enjoying a big, bubbly beer when Mrs. Twit pops out her glass eyeball and plops it into his mug. After spying the eyeball floating in his beer, Mr. Twit flees the scene leaving the mug and eye behind. She enjoys a good laugh. To get back at her, Mr. Twit puts a frog in her bed. Throughout the book they quarrel constantly, not with words, but by playing mean tricks on one another.
Read an excerpt:
...matter. Things cling to hairs, especially food. Things like gravy go right in among the hairs and stay there. You and I can wipe our smooth faces with a flannel and we quickly look more or less all right again, but the hairy man cannot do that. We can also, if we are careful, eat our meals without spreading food all over our faces. But not so the hairy man. Watch carefully next time you see a hairy man eating his lunch and you will notice that even if he opens his mouth very wide, it is impossible for him to get a spoonful of beef-stew or ice-cream and chocolate sauce into it without leaving some of it on the hairs. Mr Twit didn't even bother to open his mouth wide when he ate. As a result (and because he never washed) there were always hundreds of bits of old breakfasts and lunches and suppers sticking to the hairs around his face. They weren't big bits, mind you, because he used to wipe those off with the back of his hand or on his sleeve while he was eating. But if you looked...